Scene: A small room. In it sit various networks in the form of large, humanlike beings. These corporations are, for this moment, people. One such person, a very big, tough-looking person, approaches another.
Netflix to Food Network: Psst. Hey, you. Yes, you. Did I stutter? Seems like you’ve got a nice racket there, what with the food and the network and the likable people making and tasting and talking about delicious things. You must like it, huh? Say it. I want to hear you say, “I, Food Network, feel real fancy with my fancy food shows.” Say it.
[a low voice mutters, “I like it, yeah.”]
That’s what I thought, buddy. I thought you liked that racket. Well, I like it too, and I’m gonna take it. Here’s what I’ve got:
Chef’s Table, season five
Netflix’s Emmy-nominated series returns for a fifth season on September 28, 2018. According to a press release, “the new season will take viewers inside the lives and kitchens of four new international chefs as the series explores their lives, talents and passion from their piece of culinary heaven.”
Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat
Based on Samin Nosrat’s James Beard Award-winning book of the same name, Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat (October 19) will attempt to break down the process of good cooking into four essential parts. (Hint: they’re in the title.) “Directed by Caroline Suh, each episode of this four-part series joins our spirited guide Samin as she travels to home kitchens of Italy, the southern islands of Japan, the heat of the Yucatán and back to Berkeley’s Chez Panisse—where she started her culinary career—to demystify and explore the central principles of what makes food delicious and how each of us can easily incorporate those elements into every dish.”
[A note from the dramatist: I got the chance to speak with Ms. Nosrat at said press tour, and she is just a damn delight. Expect this show to be lovely, thoughtful, and super accessible.]
The Curious Creations of Christine McConnell
Christine McConnell has more than 250,000 Instagram followers, with whom she shares her cute, creepy culinary creations. Now she’s taking them to TV. Produced by the Jim Henson Company, the series will see her welcome viewers into her “terrifyingly delicious home,” where she “bakes, sculpts and sews to create delectable confections and hauntingly disturbing decor with the help of her colorful collection of creatures.”
Netflix again, in a low voice: Now ask yourself, Food Network. Who’s really been chopped? Is it me? No. I have not been chopped. I cannot be chopped. You’re chopped. Now give me that bagel you’re eating. I’m a little peckish.